How are you feeling as 2020 crawls towards the finish line?
Not much has changed here in the last month except that it’s getting colder and I think we’re all getting tireder. Not much has changed and yet I find myself in a state of growing anxiety. Today it reached such a pitch that I had to ask myself, what is making me so anxious? And I realised with sadness that it was a lot to do with social media.
It’s been good to me over the last few years; I’ve made several actual real life friends through Twitter and Instagram, and my interactions have always been 99% benign, but on some level I have to admit there is a pressure to perform, or present a certain image. Even if you really don’t think you’re that sort of person. But also, there are so many voices, so much going on – of course that’s the fun part and how we find out about each other and the world at the moment but I realised today that I couldn’t hear myself think. The Noise – that constant background hum of activity I wrote about a few months ago – is back. It’s heightened by the chronic stress and unrest of still living under restrictions after so many months, a growing fear of recession, and all our known quantities crumbling away. And it’s insidious, this noise. It makes you start to doubt yourself, forget who you are.
Does it affect anyone else, I wonder? If you’re reading this, do you enjoy the noise and seek it out? Or do you find that like an introvert at a hectic party, there is only so much you can take before you need to get out of there for some fresh air and the quiet of your own thoughts?
So I am stepping back for a bit – muting the apps on my phone, leaving the Instagram challenge for another time, tearing up the to do list and reminding myself how to be lazy. Crazy how radical that feels! And how foreign.
My online shop will still be open for orders but I’m pressing pause on all promotional activity and commissions for the time being, yes, even though it’s Christmas soon. I have to say, it’s a huge relief.